Cross Dress for Less sued by Ross Dress for Less

San Francisco, CA – Public outrage and 17 protests broke out this morning when local shopper favorite Cross Dress for Less was slapped with a lawsuit from rival Ross Dress for Less. “The names are too close and we can’t be associated with them. No way Jose” said store manager Alejandro Jackson. “We worked too hard to give up the value of the name up to these hotos.”

Protestor Jackie Byrne admitted that while she wasn’t happy the lawsuit happened, she was happy to join a protest after being in a lull for a while. “Since the war in Iraq protests a couple of years ago, there hasn’t been much happening. I kind of missed having them.”

Police planned for the worst, showing up with a truckload of tear gas and a 12 pack of rabid German shepherds. The only reported injury was a policeman having his hand bitten by one of the rabid dogs. Officer Randal Floyd was rushed to a local hospital where he was reportedly in stable condition but not happy about his hand.

No word yet on what Cross Dress for Less plans to do. Stay tuned…

Super Computer Finds Porn Up To 1000 Times Faster.

Memphis, TN – Galactic Computing unveiled a new super computer designed to speed up searches related to porn. Keywords get built into the kernel at runtime giving the entire machine a focused mindset of porn while it is running. The manufacturers believe the chips will last longer in this machine compared to a standard desktop pc because “…they will enjoy the kind of data they are moving around and therefore be more content” said Mark Eaton, CEO and Co-Founder, and former center for the Utah Jazz. In early tests, most users rated the experience ‘overall good’, lending credibility to Galactic’s marketing tagline “faster, quicker, better”.