Archive for January, 2007

Sony plans to recall 2 million Walkmans

January 24, 2007

Shinagawa, Japan : Consumer electronics maker Sony announced this morning a plan to recall over 2 million Walkmans worldwide. While the Walkmans never used any of the lithium batteries responsible for Sony’s recent laptop battery recall, Sony says ‘it doesn’t matter, we’re being very proactive.’ The typical Walkman runs on 2 AA batteries, which when left under the sun for an extremely long period of time may become combustible if also thrown to the ground against a hard surface while the ground is moist from a recent rain or early morning dew.

Sony hopes to improve its image by taking such widespread actions, and understands that some consumers who still own one of these things may not be too pleased. John Malcolm, a Palm Springs, CA retiree is furious over the recall. ‘You can’t do that to me. How am I going to listen to my cassettes on my morning walk?’

Shares of Apple, Inc. went up 15% shortly after this news was released.
Sony Walkman

WinZip stunned by first paying customer

January 19, 2007

Emile Baizel

Mansfield, CT – After helping users around the world unzip over 2 billion archives, WinZip has finally reported their first sale.  It seems that the supposed-to-be-annoying-but-is-quite-friendly-thank-you warning about the need to purchase the software after several uses finally made its point.

WinZip’s employees were thrilled by the news.  One employee speaking on condition of anonymity said “We were floored.  It’s like everything started going in slow motion.  We’ve had so many close calls before that you just become cynical and skeptical about the whole thing.  But this time it is true.  When we heard the news, I don’t think there was a dry eye in the entire office.”

Great job WinZip.  You deserve it.

Apple announces iPhone Shuffle

January 17, 2007

Cupertino, CA – Apple, Inc. today announced a lighter weight model of its popular yet unreleased iPhone. Aimed at a younger generation who can’t always afford the latest and greatest phones (read: $500), the iPhone Shuffle saves 50% of its manufacturing costs by not providing a screen.Initially, we were skeptical this would make the product unusable. However, Steve Jobs calmed all of our fears. ‘We know what users want in life; they want excitement, surprises. And that’s where we’re going with this. You have no idea who you are calling, who is calling you, or if your phone is even on. You really need to be prepared to speak with anyone at anytime. Your boss, your mom, your girlfriend. I present you with iPhone Shuffle.’

Shares of Apple, Inc. stock rose 15% on the release of this news.

iPhone Shuffle

Google in talks to acquire Canada

January 12, 2007

Oprah accidentally adds Chinese book to her book club list

January 11, 2007

Protest breaks out in San Francisco over recent lack of protests

January 11, 2007

Fat person on plane first ever to take up seats 12A, 12B and 12C.

January 10, 2007

Man taught to fish refuses to learn; goes to Safeway instead

January 9, 2007

Guy grinds on dance floor in club with girl he just met

January 7, 2007

Online chat session leads to offline sex

January 6, 2007